Extracts from A Midge in Your Hand is Worth Two up Your Kilt.

Old Scottish Proverbs Revamped

A bheil telebhisean agad?
We’re from the Wee Free and are hunting down God-forsaking heathens.

Ilka body disna hae the like o that.
He seems to have contracted H5N1 Bird Flu.

Better never begun than never ended.
Never do anything today that you can put off until tomorrow.

Better be freends at a distance than enemies at hame.
The perfect divorce is one that doesn't require a court restraining order.

Cast a cat ower the hoose an she'll faa on her feet.
A cat thrown over a house will land on her feet - but her screeching is sure to attract the RSPCA.

Him that keeks throu a keyhole micht see what will vex him.
Love does not stoop to spying - it hires a private detective.

Baked bread and brown ale winna bide lang.
Oh shit – I’m away tae the lavie again!

Mony a mickle maks a muckle.
Due to rampant inflation the muckle has been revalued – there are now 385 mickles to the muckle.
 

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